Of course this would happen to me…

After 4 years or so of suffering, I've finally decided to get tested for allergies. Now for those that don't know, allergy testing consist of 2 scratch tests where they literally scratch your arms with a knife, then drop different liquids on to them and wait to see if you have a reaction.

Monday was my first visit and I was tested on all of the airborne and household contaminates, plus a little food. Obviously I was allergic to most trees, mold, the stuffing found in furniture, and kerosene (not that that matters since it's not really used anymore). The only food I was allergic too was wheat, which of course is the type of bread, beer, and pasta that I buy. And, the most ironic – I'm severely allergic to cats. The funny part here is that I've always told all of my roommates that I'm allergic to them, even though I never had any real proof that I was, simply because I couldn't bear the thought of a litter box in an apartment. And, after being in Hill's apartment with Mo's 2 cats I realize my concerns were not in vain, but nevertheless, I obviously jinxed myself.

Today was test 2. Now I scheduled it for 9:15 and was assured that it would only take a half hour. Since I knew I had a 10:00 meeting at work, I made sure I was a little early. Unfortunately, the doctor did not do the same. At about 9:22, the nurse said she would go ahead and start under the assumption that the doctor was surely on her way (and after my promise that I didn't think I would die from any of the food they were testing me for). "Great," I say, "I really need to be at work by 10."

So the nurse began the procedure of coloring me with marking and then cutting me with a little knife. About half-way through one of the receptionists informed us that the doctor was on her way. Excellent I think – I still have plenty of time. Just as the nurse is finishing the last drops, she stops and stares for a minute or so, until I finally ask her what's wrong.

"I, um, I think we did the wrong test."

"Um, what do you mean the wrong test?"

"Well, I did you for airborne. You were supposed to have food today right."

"Uh, YEAH." Of course this would happen to me. I now stare down at my arms with the hundreds of black dots and tiny cuts, and the now tiny bumps that are already starting to form – o, I almost forgot, and the long, thick, red lines where she circled all the numerous scratches and tooth punctures Ares so lovingly gave me last night.

"Would you mind if I did your back instead? I mean, you're arms are already full so we can't use them." (obviously)

"No, I guess not. I'd might as well get it over with while I'm here." At this point I realize I'm going to be late to work, so I call Sam. The nurse then offers to write me a doctor's note. I tell her it's not school; it's fine.

At this point the doctor still hasn't gotten here and she's now at least 20 minutes late. But whatever, I follow the nurse into this tiny room and lay down on the tiniest examination table I've ever seen in my life – and why wouldn't it be tiny since little kids are the only ones who have it done on their back to make sure they sit still the whole time. Seriously though, this table was so short that neither my head nor my legs fit on it, and the room was so small my legs had to lie at a diagonal angle – it really must've been a hilarious site. So the nurse finishes and starts her timer.

Halfway through the doctor had finally appeared and so I passed my waiting time listening to the odd conversations she was having in the other room. I honestly think she was talking with someone about purchasing clothes they had brought in, which immediately had me thinking about Nina and her trunk show of hideous high-end designer clothing that she tries to sell to the doctors' wives at our Annual Meeting. (I never found out what was actually going on). The nurse would also periodically come in to tell me that "it's just too bad I can't see these bumps, they're really something," which obviously had me picturing huge welts all over my back. And, the only other thing I had to look at was my hideous arms, which started to make me angry so I tried to focus on the clothing charade next door.

Eventually the doctor left her visitors long enough to look at my back. She concluded I was allergic to pineapple, mushrooms and a couple of shell-fish. Now while I'm happy I only have a couple of food allergies, I was a little confused since the nurse had said 3 other kinds of fish and lead me to believe my back was covered in bumps. Plus, the doctor kept saying she didn't want to over read anything… But, what's to over read? I mean, I saw my arms Monday; either I have a bump or I don't. I'm not saying the nurses actions had me overly convinced of her competency, but she surely sees these tests nearly as much as the doctor, right? Besides, I wasn't entirely sure that the doctor wasn't just rushing through it to get back to her clothing store.

Whatever, what can I do? I mean, I can't very well call the doctor out can I? I suppose I could have, but after this ordeal I was honestly just ready to get to work…

I think the lesson here is don't ask your general doctor for a referral if you don't really like them or think they're very competent.