Tales of TJ - from Sam

My name is Sam and I work with Deb in the fabu marketing department at ASPS. We represent the girls under the age of 30 who like to talk smack and have more fun than we should by making fun of co-workers. We also get put on projects together because it is common knowledge that Deb is too young to function by herself. I kid, I kid.

Deb told me I should tell the story of how the name Tijuana or TJ came around. For the record, I just figured out that there is a J in Tijuana. I didn’t really understand the abbreviated TJ up until this point. I’m blond sometimes (most of the time).

I am the one who decided it was an okay idea to spend some extra time in San Diego with a co-worker. This all went down in 2003 when our annual meeting was in San Diego. Seeing as though I never had been to San Diego and lived at home and had some extra money to spend, I figured it would be a good time to do some sightseeing in San Diego. Work pays for plane ticket, so I just extended my stay and paid for a hotel room for two nights.

I have a tendency to talk a lot and told TJ about my little excursion. She was like “oh…I want to do that too, we could stay together”. Here’s where I should have said no, but being the cheap-ass I am I was like “alright.” Mistake #1 of many.

Let me give you a little visual. TJ is about 6’2, lanky as all get out and at the time had a curly (ramen-noodle looking) fe-mullet. Very rock n’ roll 80s, very business up front, party in the back. Yes, I know you know what I’m talking about. In recent years, she has straighten the mullet, but it is still a mullet. She also is a chain smoker and quite addicted to Seven and Sevens. For the record, I have no idea what kind of alcohol this is. However, I do know that when someone brings a plastic travel bottle in their suitcase, you probably should run. Did I mention she is like 40 something? Probably should have as this makes the story even a tad better.

Our annual meeting was kind of traumatic. There were wildfires and the entire city basically shut down. All the popular touristy things were shut down and at night it looked like it was snowing. It was snowing – ashes. Very creepy!

We got to our hotel and it was fine. She brought up the positive points of “pre-gaming” before we went out to a haunted house for Halloween. In my opinion no one out of college should use the word “pre-gaming”. We got to this haunted house and it was pretty good. She was mocked by some kids behind us because she was visibly (read: clearly swaying and slanty-eyed) drunk. This was amusing because she thought she made some buddies when they were saying “they should have a bar in line.” She was all up on this idea.

We then went to the Gas Lamp district where went to a bar. She was harassing everyone to find out what their costumes were. It was quite comical. During one of her many bathroom breaks, she left me talking to this dude who was going to start a website where they take pictures up girls’ skirts and put it on the web. Seriously? I think this probably has been done before.

The next day I was hoping to go to Hotel Del Coronado and look around. When I said I was going to San Diego, every normal person told me to go and check it out. TJ wanted to go to Tijuana. She wanted to buy a blanket and some jewelry. I’m the type of person that if you bug me enough about something (not illegal or totally immoral), I’ll cave just so I don’t have to deal with you anymore. This is how I ended up going to Tijuana.

The train down to Tijuana wasn’t anything special. We get down to the border and I’m starting to regret my decision to go there. However, we cross the border and then it becomes a shit-show of “do you want jewelry, we got purses, come in for a drink”. All these little huts of jewelry, fake designer purses and sunglasses. I got some bracelets and a fake burberry purse. I also got called “a smart blond” by one of the Mexican guys working at one of the huts. Basically because I told him that the purse wasn’t even worth the ten dollars I would give him. He apparently didn’t think ladies from the U.S.A. knew Spanish. Que horrible!

We went to a few pharmacies to look around. If you happen to buy something there, they will write you a script so you can take it over the border LEGALLY. After hearing a story about one of her friends and how her friend comes down here to score pharmaceuticals, I’m thinking she wants to buy some “legal” drugs. She asks for the price on some vicodin and a few others. I’m not sure what else because I wasn’t paying too much attention and I’m not big into drugs.

We leave the row of pharmacies and find a bar. Of course she needs to get her drink on, since she’s been sober all morning. We go to this shady-as-fuck bar and get Coronas (how international of us!). After I drink half of mine, she’s on number two. Then she asks the waiter, “Do you know where I can get some vicodin?” She may have said “score some vicodin” but I’ve tried to block this day out of my mind totally.

At this point, I think my stomach almost dropped out my butt. I start having flashes from that movie “Brokedown Palace” where Claire Danes and Kate Beckinsdale get caught with drugs in Thailand.

The waiter is like “yeah, I can get you some, how much you want.” Then they are doing their little money deal while I zone the hell out. Apparently they struck a deal and he left the bar to go get the vicodin.

During my second beer, the waiter and her vicodin appear. She brings out a little plastic baggy from her purse and starts removing the pills from the blister pack. Thank God for that blister pack. Good to know she got some safe drugs! The plastic baggy then goes in her bra. Oh yes, you just read that right.

I guess I should be happy she didn’t go into the bathroom and put it anywhere else.

We then have another drink and at that point I was like “we need to go!” I was officially done with Tijuana. The best part is we aren’t even in downtown Tijuana. As a point of reference, downtown Tijuana is about a mile walk from the border.

When we get back to the border, I start walking super fast. She was walking all slow behind me. I only did this because if she got caught, I was going to book it the hell out of there.

We then went to some decent restaurant for dinner, she got drunk, she gave her and my leftovers to a homeless man. He hugged her and then reached over and grabbed me. Now I can check off “getting hugged by a homeless man” off my bucket list.

During our hotel stay she asks if she can smoke cigarettes in the room. We had a balcony, so I was like “go outside.” So she did. However, I think since the balcony was attached to the room she though it gave her free reign to chain smoke for the rest of the evening and next morning. Good stuff!

We had different flights home, so I left before she did. I spent the entire cab ride and two hours before my flight on the phone re-hashing these two days over and over again.

This story serves as my reason for reservation about staying extra time in San Diego this time around with Deb. However Deb is not TJ and our plans to smuggle narcs across the border this time around were crushed anyway.