Never, ever do dinner on a first date

Last fall, after not dating anyone for the entire summer, I finally decided to give Match.com a second try.  Now my first experience was pretty decent, but the highlights were probably the result of having my unemployed friend create my profile and set up some up many of the dates rather than meeting anyone I was particularly interested in – but these are a story for a different day (and for some reason it doesn’t look like I’ve written about them yet).  This time I opted for the “traditional route” and decided to do my own online dating.

My first date was with a fairly attractive Asian man, who looked quite promising on paper. So, after a several email/text conversations, we opted to do dinner.  Now, as a general rule, I try to stay away from dinner on a first date, but seeing as how I can talk to anyone and a dinner really can’t take that long, I figured why not.  Here is a recap:

1. We met for Thai food in Lincoln Square.  He lives in Lincoln Square; I do not – whatever, not a big deal, but you’re paying.
2. On previous email convos, he had bragged about how he knows, of the best absolute best Thai place in the city, and since we're doing Thai I naturally assumed we were AT the best Thai place.  Wrong.  Apparently the best Thai place is on Clark Street, in Lakeview, right down the street from me.  (Now if only I had gotten the name from him… I guess I’ll just keep trying every Thai place on Clark)
3. Right from the get-go, my friend alludes to a terrible date(s) he had, but said he’d wait until later to go into the details (and by later I mean 20 minutes)
4. After browsing the appetizer section of the menu in complete silence, I decided to get the conversation started.  “So, were you born in the US or did you move here when you were younger?”  (To clarify, he previously told me he was Taiwanese) “Oh… didn't I tell you... I'm not legal; I'm looking for a wife to give me green card status.”  I laugh. Silence.  After a really long awkward pause, he says “no, I'm just joking, I just wanted to shock you.  So when do you want to get married though?”  Let the fun times begin.
5. Next topic.  Have I had any bad dates?  Nope, I haven’t really.  Have I had a lot of dates (on match)?  No, this is actually my first. This appears to completely shock him, so I go on to explain that it’s not my first date ever, not first of online, just my first date since I just joined match this time.
6. How old are you?  30.  30?  Well you look like you're 18.  Umm...I'm not sure how to take that... but ok.  How old are you?  37.  Ok.  Glad we got that established.  (Really dude? match tells you how old people are, wtf)
7. So this bad date I was on (abridged version)... we got in an argument because I said she shouldn't drive after having a couple drinks. Oh, well yeah I can see that.  Well she didn't and we couldn't agree on it so we went our separate ways.  And then she left me a voicemail about how could I judge her for that when I brought a $3.99 bottle of wine.  Can you believe she said that to me?  I mean wtf?  Who is she to judge me for how expensive my wine was.  It was from Trader Joes – I like Trader Joes.  I was soo pissed.  I called her a bi*&h. My response – oh yeah, well that's a bit much... (In my head I'm like what??  I think both of your responses were/are bit much and why are you telling me about this – now THAT’s a bit much)
8. Me- so that was only the second worse date, what was the worst.  Again abridged – a girl showed up 45 min late for dinner and he had concert tickets after and she told him she couldn't stay long because she was meeting friends immediately after dinner.  Obviously dude was pissed and rightfully so here) and I regretted asking immediately.
9. He again asked what my worst date was.  I said I really didn't have any (although by this time this date was clearly on pace to seal that position), but then remembered a date where the guy took me to the Cheese Cake Factory downtown and then didn't talk at all (literally at all), which then prompted me to swear I would never do a dinner as a first date again (until now).  Oh yeah, now I remember why I put that rule in place…
10. And the finale – have you ever dated an Asian before (did I mention he's Taiwanese)?  Um, I don't think I’ve daated, but I've been on dates before with Asian guys and Indians.  Well you know Indians aren't really considered Asians... but I guess they are in Asia.  Well, that's why I specified Asians and Indians.  Ok, so you've been on dates with but not actually dated any Asians.  Right.  I've dated several black guys though.  You have?!?  Uh yea.  How did you come back?  Uh... (I didn't lose much beat here) yeah it's really much more about the person and the personality to me.  But you get what I'm asking right... how did you come BACK?  Uh... obviously I got it... again, it’s just more about the person.  Oh, so I guess it's not true what they say then. Oh no, I didn't say that at all.

P.S. The date finally ends and he pays for the check (thankfully). On our way to the train though, he pulls me aside, and unexpectedly gives me a kiss on the lips.  And then asks for a quarter for the bus.  My response?  I fished around until I found a quarter.